681: The Way to Handle Q&A, with Matt Abrahams

Dave Stachowiak [00:00:00]:
A place where many of us get put on the spot is handling Q&A sessions. In this episode, the mindset, prep, and steps that will help you answer questions with confidence and support your credibility. This is Coaching for Leaders episode 681. Production Credit: Produced by Innovate Learning, maximizing human potential. Greetings to you from Orange County, California. This is Coaching for Leaders, and I’m your host, Dave Stachowiak. Leaders aren’t born, they’re made.

Dave Stachowiak [00:00:37]:
And this weekly show helps you discover leadership wisdom through insightful conversations. Oh, if we could plan out every single conversation and know exactly what we were going to say and know exactly how others were Bonni respond. Well, I don’t know. It wouldn’t be a lot of fun, would it? And the reality, of course, is so much of our communications in the professional space are impromptu. And one place that that happens extensively is when we are facilitating or involved with a Q&A. How can we do better at showing up in a way that not only responds in the moment well, but also represents our teams and our organizations effectively? I can’t think of a better person to talk to about this topic than Matt Abrahams. He is a educator, author, podcast host, and coach. Matt’s a lecturer in organizational behavior at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business and a keynote speaker and communication consultant for Fortune 100 Companies.

Dave Stachowiak [00:01:36]:
He’s the host of the popular podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, and the author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully when you’re put on the spot. Matt, what a pleasure to have you on.

Matt Abrahams [00:01:49]:
Such a great pleasure to be here, Dave. I look forward to our conversation.

Dave Stachowiak [00:01:52]:
Me too. And I can’t think of a place where you get put on the spot more than handling a Q&A session. Right? You know, we can prepare a presentation or a pitch and get all our slides in order, but we can’t prepare what questions people are gonna ask us. And one of the things that struck me in reading about your work and advice on this topic is we often think about a Q&A session as dodgeball. Like, the audience is throwing us all these different topics and ideas. And you make a distinction between thinking about this as playing dodgeball and having a dialogue with the audience. Could you tell me more about that distinction?

Matt Abrahams [00:02:37]:
Yeah. So the way we approach Q&A in all spontaneous speaking, be it giving feedback, introducing ourselves, fixing our mistakes, our approach to it, our mindset matters a lot, and many of us see these circumstances as threatening and challenging. We’re in the midst of a crucible here, and we have to respond appropriately. And that puts a tremendous amount of pressure on ourselves. So when we feel like it’s dodgeball and the people are throwing things at us at different angles, trying to hit us and cause us some credibility damage, that really puts us in a defensive place. Our bodies retreat, our answers are shorter, our tone is more curt. And yet if we were to look at these as opportunities, as conversations, as dialogue, all of a sudden it changes our mindset. Now I’m not naive.

Matt Abrahams [00:03:24]:
I know there are people who do throw hot and spicy questions at us. But even in those instances, if I can find some way of connecting, engaging in a dialogue, it’ll help. And quite frankly, I would much rather deal with somebody who is antithetical to my point of view and throwing some heat than somebody who’s apathetic. Because at least the person who’s antithetical to my point of view cares about the topic the same way I do, and we can find some common ground. So the way you approach these circumstances, the analogies that you use in your mind, those for, is this a battle, is this dodgeball, that affects how you communicate. So if we see them as dialogues, as conversations, as collaborative events, it changes our approach.

Dave Stachowiak [00:04:07]:
And you really are an advocate for it. It is doing a Q&A, spending the time to have the dialogue with the audience is a benefit. It’s not really a burden. There’s some things you do get out of that if you do it well, don’t you?

Matt Abrahams [00:04:21]:
Absolutely. You learn so much in Q&A. You can learn where the issues are, the resistance points, if you were adequately deep in your explanation. So Q&A really allows you to learn a lot. It also allows you to connect. Just by taking the time to listen demonstrates a lot about your personality. It establishes credibility. When you comment on what somebody has said, if it’s an insightful question for if you can connect what they’ve said to something else, you’re actually validating them.

Matt Abrahams [00:04:51]:
A lot of good work happens in Q&A as it does in these other spontaneous speaking situations.

Dave Stachowiak [00:04:56]:
Of course, a key part of a Q&A is actually answering the questions. Right? There’s a bunch that goes around it too, but that’s the core of the heart of being able to do this effectively and one of the things that I really loved in the book is a simple 3 step framework that you recommend that we follow when we’re not only thinking about but then actually responding to a question Could you walk us through what that framework is, and then maybe we can even dive in on some of the details on it.

Matt Abrahams [00:05:29]:
Yeah. And I’m happy to have you actually ask me a question or 2 where I can demonstrate that framework. I’m trying to do it as we speak now. So I believe very much in structure. I think structure is an incredibly powerful tool to help us in all communication, but especially when we’re speaking in an impromptu manner. So whenever you have to answer a question or do anything spontaneously when it comes to communication, you have 2 fundamental tasks, what to say and how to say it. Structure gives you the, how to say it piece. And in some ways it’s like a recipe.

Matt Abrahams [00:06:01]:
It gives you step by step Andrew that halves your burden in terms of what you have to do in the moment. So I like a structure and there are many out there, but I this structure I like a lot. It is called ADD for adding value. And let me break down each of the steps. The first step is answer the question clearly and concisely. The first d is give a detailed example that supports the answer you’ve given. And then finally, the the second d is describe the relevance or value of the response to the person asking. I believe a complete answer does these three things.

Matt Abrahams [00:06:37]:
And by using a structure like this, it helps you know when to start and when to end. It helps you be more concise and it connects the ideas together. So using any structure is better than just listing information. Our brains are not wired for lists. They’re wired for structure, beginnings, middles, and ends. So any structure is better than no structure. I happen to believe this structure is really helpful in Q&A situations.

Dave Stachowiak [00:07:03]:
And it provides so much of the context for the answer too, not just the answer itself. Because I think that’s the obvious thing a lot of us think of is the a. Okay. I’m gonna answer the question. But the invitation is yes do that and the example and describe the value. What’s the benefit of really getting into the details of an example and also really demonstrating for the audience what’s the value of it that is way better than just the answer itself.

Matt Abrahams [00:07:30]:
Yes. So we live in a world where we’re bombarded with information, and we don’t do a good job parsing all of the information we get. So anything that reinforces it helps. And our brains actually are designed to pay attention and remember concrete specific detail much better than higher level gist. So when I give you information, answer the question, and then reinforce it with a more concrete example. I’m helping you remember it. I’m helping it connect to you. And then the relevance piece is really critical.

Matt Abrahams [00:08:05]:
We all for many of us make assumptions that if I give you two points, you can connect the dots. In fact, that’s not true. I’ll never forget the very first psychology professor I ever had as an undergraduate. First thing out of his mouth was the funny thing about common sense is it’s not so common. And that is true. We all we assume that when I give you my answer, you’re gonna be able to connect how that answer is relevant to the question you asked, to the business problem we’re solving, to the interview position I’m trying for, and that’s not always the case. So connecting those dots can be really helpful for people. And we have known and you know this well, Dave, that if you can make your content more relevant and salient to somebody, the more likely they will engage and remember.

Matt Abrahams [00:08:52]:
So this last relevance piece is actually helping make it salient for your audience so they’re more likely to remember it as well.

Dave Stachowiak [00:09:00]:
You’re really connecting people back to the why. Right? It’s not just the answer itself. It’s what’s the larger meaning behind it. Yeah. I’d love to, like, ask you a question and maybe we use this model and dissect it a bit and look at, like, how does that look? So let’s say trying to think of a question.

Matt Abrahams [00:09:16]:
So one that might work for you, Dave, and I don’t mean to direct you too much. But a lot of people have struggled with those interviews at times. Can you imagine I’m interviewing to be a professor of communication as I am or or a podcast host, pick a job, and what might a question be? And what might a question be- a logical question?

Dave Stachowiak [00:09:37]:
Yeah. Okay. Let’s do the professor lens of it. So Okay. Matt, you’re interviewing for this position to work with students. Tell us about a situation you’ve had in the past where you’ve been able to connect effectively with students and help them to really grow?

Matt Abrahams [00:09:54]:
Connection is critical as a teacher. If you can’t connect with your students, you’re missing an opportunity to really engage them in your content. So one of the very first things I do on the very first day of my class is that I ask my students, what’s the type of communication that you do that you find most challenging? And sometimes students will say interviewing, other times students will say speaking to professors in office hours. So I really help them to isolate what some of the challenges are for them. In so doing, they become more connected to my content. So whenever I teach, I always try to find something that’s immediately relevant and important for the student to help them feel more connected to the content and hopefully me. So in that you heard my Andrew. You heard a concrete example of what I was talking about in terms of questions I ask.

Matt Abrahams [00:10:48]:
And then I explained the value that it provides to my students and to me.

Dave Stachowiak [00:10:52]:
Yeah. And I love how you did that in a way that I didn’t even so much ask a question I’m realizing as in tell us about a time, and yet the model still works because you said, okay. Yes. That’s really important. Here’s an example, and then you connected it back to the value. So even if it’s not a question where you’re necessarily agreeing or disagreeing with, you could still use this model to frame that really well, and it’s powerful.

Matt Abrahams [00:11:20]:
Absolutely. And you can use this model in lots of different ways. For example, if somebody asks you a question, like, what’s some a challenge you you’ve had to overcome recently? The answer is the challenge. The example is what you have done to overcome it, and then the relevance, the final part, is how that learning is going to help you in this role. So instead of spending the whole time focusing on the negative, the challenge you had, you acknowledge it and then you use the other two parts to switch to what you’ve learned and how you apply it. So you’re using it as a way to pivot, if you will, to a more positive perspective on you, and it implies and helps the other person remember better. So this structure can work both with positive things that you want to say, answering questions that are just for, as well as taking challenging questions. I do wanna mention though, you don’t always have to use this structure.

Matt Abrahams [00:12:13]:
Sometimes you can just answer a question if it’s a yes, no, or a numeric answer. Just do it. Dave, if you see you and I see each other on the streets one Dave, and you say, Matt, how are you? I can just say fine. I don’t have to say, I’m doing great. You know why? I got 8 hours of sleep, and what that means is we’re gonna have a really good conversation. You don’t have to force it. Sometimes the best answer is just yes or no.

Dave Stachowiak [00:12:33]:
Yeah. Indeed. And you also point out that it doesn’t always have to go in this exact order that answers first example second. What is the indicator to you in the moment that maybe you don’t necessarily have to follow it this way for you do it in a different order?

Matt Abrahams [00:12:49]:
Well, it depend so you Dave to, in that moment, make a decision about where you think the most important part of your answer will resonate most with the person. So if I’m trying to demonstrate if I’m interviewing for a management position and I’m trying to demonstrate my leadership skills, I might wanna start with the relevance first. Or if the question is very urgent, I might wanna give the answer first and then go through in the in different direction. And sometimes the example itself is the answer. So you can actually combine those 2 steps. So if you were interviewing me again to be a teacher of communication skills, and I know that you were looking for somebody not just to teach a class, but to actually lead this group and grow it. I might start by saying, I am somebody who tailors all of my materials to the needs of the people that I work with. I’ve done this at an undergraduate and graduate level.

Matt Abrahams [00:13:41]:
In fact, I’ve been doing this for 25 years. I just did DDA, relevance first, example, and then answered the question. So we can play with it based on what it is we think is most important or urgent to the asker of the question.

Dave Stachowiak [00:13:57]:
So don’t get too caught up in the exact order, but think about, okay, context. Like, I wanna generally hit on these three things, especially in a professional setting. And if I hit on those three things and I adapt a little bit depending on where I know the audience is thinking, that’s a really good place to be.

Matt Abrahams [00:14:12]:
Absolutely. That is correct. Yes.

Dave Stachowiak [00:14:13]:
Yeah. Well, let me ask you another question then that’s actually more of a question and maybe a little bit more challenging. Let’s say I’m someone who doesn’t end up in impromptu speaking situations very much. Why would I consider reading this book?

Matt Abrahams [00:14:29]:
So I would challenge the premise. We are all in spontaneous speaking situations all the time. In fact, we do much more of this than planned presenting, pitching, and meetings with agendas. If you think about it, most of our interactions we have day to day are spontaneous. They’re not planned. We’re not following a script. And the myriad situations are spontaneous. In the book, I identify 6.

Matt Abrahams [00:14:52]:
I identify Q&A feedback, introducing yourself and others, apologizing, making small talk, these are ubiquitous situations we find ourselves in. And the tools that we can learn to actually get better at being spontaneous, which I understand is a little counterintuitive that you can prepare to be spontaneous, can help us in all of our interactions, not just in our professional lives, but our personal lives as well. So anybody who finds themselves challenged by communication will benefit because a lot of these skills translate to all types of communication.

Dave Stachowiak [00:15:28]:
Beautiful. And you hit all 3 again. You answered the question directly. In this case, you said, okay. I have a different opinion on this based on my experience. You gave a really detailed example. And then, again, you came back to the big picture. Like, here’s why you should care.

Dave Stachowiak [00:15:42]:
It helps you out professionally. It helps you out personally. Beautiful.

Matt Abrahams [00:15:45]:
Right. Well, thank you. I got it.

Dave Stachowiak [00:15:49]:
And as as much as you’ve practiced this and I practice this a bit too, it’s everyone’s a little different. Right? And it gets back to what you said of, like, start with the structure. If you’ve got a structure, you’ve got something to kind of hang your hat on. And then you can also move away from it when you need to. Like, you can go a little bit away from the structure or reorder it a bit given the situation, but it’s just way better to adapt it versus starting with nothing. If you start with the structure, that just makes it so much easier to enter into it.

Matt Abrahams [00:16:20]:
Yes. You’re absolutely right. Another analogy to what a structure does for you is it’s a road map. It gives you a place to start. It gives you directionality. Many of us in that moment of being asked a spicy question or asked to give feedback, we our mind starts racing. Where do I start? How do I start? What do I wanna say? And if you know you’re going to start with whatever the structure you’re leveraging has you to start with, that can calm you down, can help you focus on what to put into the structure. So it is incredibly important, but it takes practice.

Matt Abrahams [00:16:51]:
Some of these structures you have to practice and drill. For learning this ADD structure, I encourage people to go back to their companies and look if they have FAQs, frequently asked questions, and take those FAQs and just put them in the structure. It trains you. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Plus, anybody who comes later to read one of those FAQs in that structure begins to learn in a subversive way how questions are answered at this company or in this role. So it’s a way of training others without sitting them down and training them on it. So you have to do practice just like an athlete does a lot of drills before they go into the game, which is very spontaneous. You have to practice these techniques as well.

Matt Abrahams [00:17:30]:
That’s how we can get better.

Dave Stachowiak [00:17:31]:
Well, speaking of practice, one of the things I love about the book in this chapter specifically is the tips. And there’s some really useful tips on thinking about not only tactically approaching a Q&A, but also mindset. And one of the tips that you invite all of us is to prepare for questions in advance. Think through what it is that the audience is likely to ask about. And I’m saying this out loud and I know in a way maybe that sounds a little bit obvious perhaps. And yet, my experience has been if you ask people about this, say, oh, yeah. I should do that. I should prepare.

Dave Stachowiak [00:18:10]:
But a lot of people actually don’t do it in practice, do they?

Matt Abrahams [00:18:13]:
No. A lot of us feel like, hey. It’s spontaneous speaking. It all happens in the moment, but in fact, you can do a lot to prepare yourself. So for example, you can stockpile examples and data and maybe even third party quotes and testimonials that you might leverage. It’s like a chef. I’m going back to the recipe analogy of a structure. You know, a chef prepares the ingredients in advance and then applies them to the recipe.

Matt Abrahams [00:18:40]:
So you can you can do some thinking in advance cataloging of potential examples you might use. You don’t have to use all of them, but you think about them. 2nd, you can think about what types of questions might I be asked. And in fact, I love to use generative AI. If I were a job candidate, I would go in and say interviewing for this role at this company, give me 5 questions that I might get asked. Not so that you memorize your answers. Memorizing actually works against you when it comes to speaking in the moment. But instead, just to practice when as soon as you see the question, answer it and see how it goes.

Matt Abrahams [00:19:14]:
So, absolutely, there’s preparation that we can do, and we should all do that preparation to help ourselves.

Dave Stachowiak [00:19:20]:
And I love the idea of using a tool to do that. And I was back when I was a Dale Carnegie instructor, we would invite people who are giving big presentations to go around and ask their colleagues and some of their stakeholders, like, what are the tough questions you think I might get? Because I don’t know. There’s something about preparing this that, like, you get a little bit of the deer in headlights when you’re actually in the moment of thinking about this, but that someone else is often able to say, oh, here’s for tough questions you’re gonna get from these stakeholders. And, yeah, there’s always the stuff that comes up you can’t anticipate. But in my experience, seems like you can get pretty, you know, 80% of the way there of thinking of, like, okay. What are the likely things that are gonna come up? And like you said, if you’ve got the ingredients ready, then actually putting them together in the moment becomes so much easier.

Matt Abrahams [00:20:05]:
Absolutely. Yes. And I love that idea of going around and asking others. I think that’s great. I think we should focus group as much as we can of what we say and get input from others. We are not the best judges of our own communication. We just are too connected to it. So having third parties give us feedback is so helpful.

Dave Stachowiak [00:20:27]:
You invite us also to think about the timing of a Q&A. Traditionally, a lot of Q&A happens at the end of a presentation or briefing or wherever. And yet, of course, there are times it doesn’t. And particularly if you’re getting in front of executive leaders either at a stakeholder or within your own organization. They do tend to interrupt and ask questions a lot. Right? Have you come across practices that are helpful for just getting comfortable at you know, the vice president is in the room and all of a sudden interrupts on slide 3 of how to handle that and then to get back on track quickly?

Matt Abrahams [00:21:04]:
Yeah. So, something even before that happens. I’m a big fan of setting boundaries and expectations. So it’s important, in any talk, in any meeting to share where you want to take the questions, and then you have to tell people how to submit the questions. In person, it’s pretty easy. People raise their hand. They lean in. But virtually and many of us are still communicating virtually and in a hybrid fashion.

Matt Abrahams [00:21:26]:
There are many ways to signal you have a question. You can unmute, you can raise your virtual hand, you can type it into the chat. Be directive. Help people know how to ask questions and when. And then set a boundary for the types of questions that you want. So I might start a presentation for executives and say, today, I wanna share my proposal for how we can best make this one process more efficient, and I’d love to take your questions about the process as soon as I’m done speaking or as we go, etcetera. By setting a boundary, you do 2 things.

Matt Abrahams [00:21:57]:
1, you make yourself sound more credible because you’re not just saying, are there any questions? You’re being specific. And if somebody asks a question that violates the boundary, you could, it might not be politically correct, but you could defer a question that’s not part of the boundary you set up. Now if the big boss asks a question, you should probably answer her question, but the point is setting a boundary helps your credibility and can allow you to say, thanks for that question. I’d like to focus on the ones about this topic, and if we have time to come back to that. So there’s some things you can do to try to provide a little guidance and cover upfront. If somebody does interrupt you, you have to make a decision in that moment if you wanna take the question now or you could defer it. I I would respect the question, especially if it’s coming from a senior leader. I would take that question, paraphrase it, give a brief answer if I know I’m gonna cover more material relevant to it later, and then bring it back on track.

Matt Abrahams [00:22:52]:
So I would say so thank you for that question about cost. We are definitely considering cost, and in a few minutes, I’ll give you some more detail. But, again, we have to talk about the implementation plan before we can talk about costing. So I recognized your question. I gave you a brief answer because you had that question in that moment, and I want to respect the question in the moment. But I’m also letting you know that more is coming, and then I tie it back to where I was. So I keep on track. It takes practice to do that comfortably.

Matt Abrahams [00:23:21]:
It can certainly be flustering when somebody throws a question that you’re not expecting at that moment. But just remind yourself, acknowledge the question, give a brief answer, refer to where you’ll get to that issue for if you will cover it, and then get yourself back on track.

Dave Stachowiak [00:23:36]:
And one thing I’m hearing in a big way there comes back to where we started, which is mindset of not thinking about this as I’m getting dodge balls thrown at me and I’m at the mercy of whatever anyone does in the room but I’m actually co creating this I’m leading a dialogue that I’m setting boundaries. I’m responding in a way that, yes, acknowledges the audience and serves them. And also, I’m leading that conversation. And, like, that mindset seems like a huge piece of this.

Matt Abrahams [00:24:06]:
Absolutely. Absolutely. Mindset looms large in all communication, especially spontaneous speaking. The book and the methodology I teach has 6 steps, and the first for steps are dedicated to mindset and approach. Only the last two steps are actually the crafting and the structuring of the message you say. It is critical. We have to manage our anxiety. Many people have anxiety.

Matt Abrahams [00:24:28]:
We have to reframe these things as opportunities, not threats as we talked about. We have to remind ourselves that the goal is to connect and get our information across rather than be perfect. Many of us put a lot of the pressure on ourselves to be perfect, and we also have to listen better. Those are the key mindset approaches that I take to help people with Q&A and any other spontaneous communication.

Dave Stachowiak [00:24:49]:
You and I have both seen people give good presentations and handle a Q&A well for at least decently Andrew then sort of end strangely. And you invite people to end with an exclamation point. Priest of all, where where does it go wrong, and what’s better?

Matt Abrahams [00:25:10]:
Well, so most people are so stressed out about Q&A that they’re just glad it’s done when it’s done, and they just wanna get off stage. So Dave literally seen people just stop and done. No closure at all.

Dave Stachowiak [00:25:21]:
Yeah. Me too.

Matt Abrahams [00:25:22]:
It’s this relief that we it’s like, I survived. And again, that goes back to the mindset. If you see this as a battle and a competition, then you’re likely to have that at the end. We know from psychology that primacy and recency effects. We remember what we hear first and what we hear last. You never know if the last question was a question that sets you up for a good answer, and you never know if your last answer is going to be appropriate or good anyway. So you should be thinking in advance of how do I wrap up. And I believe a wrap up has 2 components. 1, gratitude.

Matt Abrahams [00:25:52]:
Thank people for their questions, thank them for their time, and then a brief sentence or 2, no for, that captures the overall message that you wanted to get across in the Q&A, but also in the presentation or meeting that preceded it. So I might say, thank you for those questions. I hope you now see that implementing x y z will help us be more effective. So the last thing they hear is a wrap up. It’s a sense of closure. It’s a reminder of what the key point is. And it also bolsters my confidence when I know how I’m going to end. Right? I know what I’m gonna say.

Matt Abrahams [00:26:24]:
I haven’t memorized it, but I just know I have a Coaching. And that makes me feel better because it helps me know that regardless of what happens in the Q&A, I’m gonna be able to stick the landing much like a gymnast does.

Dave Stachowiak [00:26:37]:
Oh, it’s so funny you said that. That’s exactly the image I had in my mind as you were saying that of you can you watch a gymnastics performance and sometimes there’s little airs along the way. But when the athlete nails the landing, boy, it I mean, the little airs become so forgivable and you just, like, are so excited for them and you’re cheering for them. And yet, on the other side, you watch someone who’s absolutely technically perfect all the way along the way, but then they miss the landing. You sort of like, oh, you kinda feel like something is left missing or undone. And it’s you’re doing the same thing for your audience too. You’re really putting it together at the end so you know exactly where you finish.

Matt Abrahams [00:27:21]:
Exactly. That’s exactly right. It provides closure for the audience as well. It’s not just for you. There’s a sense of closure and completion, and there is something calming about that for everybody involved. And as you well know, how people feel about what you’ve said is as important and sometimes even more important than what you’ve said. So giving people that sense of closure, that sense of completion and calmness can benefit you greatly.

Dave Stachowiak [00:27:49]:
I know one of the other fears that people have is, well, what if I start the Q&A and no one actually asks a question? And I think we’ve all seen some version of that where someone starts a Q&A and it’s just silence in the room. You have a great invitation for when that happens of what we do next.

Matt Abrahams [00:28:10]:
Yes. So Priest and foremost, when you call for questions, you need to wait. You need to wait. Many of us will say, are there any questions about the I just covered? None. Great. Thank you. There is no time for question. We don’t want them, so we don’t want them, so we rush.

Matt Abrahams [00:28:23]:
Yeah. You have to pause. There are many, many reasons people don’t ask a question immediately. Maybe they’re trying to figure out what their question is. Maybe they’re trying to muster their courage. You’ve been speaking for a while. You’ve managed your nerves. It’s nerve wracking to speak.

Matt Abrahams [00:28:38]:
Maybe they just don’t wanna go Priest for perhaps embarrass themselves in front of their colleagues. Many reasons people don’t ask questions. None of those have to do with the fact that there are no questions. Right? So there are often questions in the room. People just don’t vocalize them. So you wait, I I recommend 5 seconds literally counting to yourself, 1,000, 2,1000. If no other questions come, I believe every Q&A session should have one Q that gets an A. In other words, you should ask yourself a question.

Matt Abrahams [00:29:07]:
I call this a back pocket question, a question you’ve thought about in advance that might help your audience learn more. And you might say, that sounds weird. How would you do that? It’s very simple. I would simply say, a question I’m often asked is or last time I talked about this topic, somebody brought up this. So there are lots of ways to introduce your own question, and then you just answer it. And it’s amazing how other questions follow your question you’ve asked yourself. It just opens up the door. And if for some reason it doesn’t, you can wrap the Q and A then because you’ve at least given one answer to a question even if it was your question.

Matt Abrahams [00:29:44]:
Now I always joke with tongue in my cheek, make sure that the back pocket question you ask yourself you know the answer to, no sense confusing yourself, but absolutely take the time to, think about in advance questions that would be relevant for you to ask yourself.

Dave Stachowiak [00:29:59]:
I did this years ago for some business presentations, especially if I was pitching an engagement. One thing I would sometimes do is if I got the sense either I knew in advance or I’d gotten the sense from the presentation that someone had a bit of an objection or they were concerned about something and that wasn’t coming up for whatever reason, I would sometimes do exactly what you just described. I’d say a question I’m commonly asked, and I would float the concern I thought maybe they have. I think maybe you might be concerned about the investment for you might be concerned about the time. And if that’s your concern, let me address that. And it was fascinating. Like, you just said, it would then open up the door sometimes for people to say, oh, yeah.

Dave Stachowiak [00:30:41]:
We actually were thinking about that. And then sometimes they’d ask a really different question for they’d surface something we hadn’t thought of. And going back to what we said earlier, then it gives you the chance to actually address it versus you walk out of the room Andrew you never knew the objection was there, and all of a sudden, they don’t move forward. They don’t approve it. You don’t get traction on it. You’re like, well, what happened? Just opening that door, it can really serve you well.

Matt Abrahams [00:31:04]:
Yeah. Absolutely. And I think it actually enhances your credibility. You know, I have 2 kids. They play lots of video games, and their video game characters always have these life points above their heads. And the worst they do, the worst their character does eventually perishes. You have credibility points above your head. You’re not gonna perish, but if you handle a Q&A well and there’s silence and it’s awkward for everybody, that impacts your credibility.

Matt Abrahams [00:31:29]:
But if you act in that moment, ask yourself a question, answer it, open the door for other questions, Your credibility is actually enhanced. So having these tools at the ready can really make a difference in how people perceive you, not just the answers that you give.

Dave Stachowiak [00:31:46]:
This is such a useful book, Matt. I loved getting into it. And just as one example, there’s another chapter in the book about how to give a toast or an introduction or you’re giving an award to someone or even given a eulogy, it’s the kind of things that we all get called on to do in our personal and professional lives at least occasionally. And no one ever gets training on how to do those kinds of things. Yeah. It is such a great framework. I mean, it is worth picking up the book just to go through several of the chapters and think about these different situations being in a Q&A, giving a toast, giving a pitch as you talk about so useful. Thank you so much for playing all this out and really helping us to to provide the structure Bonni it because that’s the key.

Dave Stachowiak [00:32:36]:
If you’ve got the structure, then you’ve got a starting point for it.

Matt Abrahams [00:32:39]:
100% agree, Dave. Thank you for this opportunity. I’ve enjoyed the conversation, and I’ve enjoyed learning from you and your insights. Thank you.

Dave Stachowiak [00:32:45]:
Oh, me too. Well, I’ve got one last question for you. I often ask people what they’ve changed their minds on, and you have been hosting this podcast that’s gotten incredible traction. The podcast is Think Fast, Talk Smart, and you’ve been at it now about 4 years. I’m curious. From the time you started to now in all the people you’ve talked with of hearing about all these different models and experts talking about communication. What’s one thing that you’ve changed your mind on?

Matt Abrahams [00:33:15]:
I’ve changed my mind on a lot of things. And thank you for this question, and thank you for sharing the podcast information. It’s been a true pleasure and joy to do it. There was one guest I had, Valerie Fridland. She is a linguist, and I have always been in the camp that filler words, likes, I means that verbal graffiti is bad. Ubiquitously, it’s bad. Just don’t do it. Should not do it.

Matt Abrahams [00:33:39]:
And in fact, she convinced me that filler words actually serve purposes, and I have now dialed back my disdain for them, and in fact, it has helped me reduce some pressure and it’s changed the way I teach and coach. So for example, filler words hold space. So if I don’t want you to take your turn yet Coaching, signals that I still wanna talk. Filler words actually typically are presented or given before some new or complex topic. So it signals, especially to children to pay attention. Something important is coming afterwards. So again, the goal is to not have many because it can become distracting, but they actually serve a purpose. And that was enlightening to me.

Matt Abrahams [00:34:24]:
And it fundamentally changed the way I coached and thought about disfluencies. So that’s one example among many that I’ve taken away from the interviewing that I’ve done.

Dave Stachowiak [00:34:34]:
Matt Abrahams is the author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You’re Put on the Spot. Matt, thank you so much for your work.

Matt Abrahams [00:34:43]:
Thank you, David. It’s a true pleasure.

Dave Stachowiak [00:34:51]:
If Matt’s thoughts were helpful to you today, a few related episodes I’d recommend to you. One of them is episode 450, the way to influence executives. Nancy Duarte was my guest on that episode. We talked about her expertise in supporting so many leaders and organizations and preparing effective presentations and, of course, talking with executives. And in that conversation, we really looked at the lens of, okay, when you’re talking with executive level folks in the room, whether it’s in your organization or a client or stakeholder, how do you have that conversation? Andrew, also, what can you expect executives do approach sitting in an audience differently than a lot of other stakeholders. An important perspective and a great compliment to this conversation, episode for for that.

Dave Stachowiak [00:35:35]:
Also recommended episode 645, how to rehearse before a presentation. Jacqueline Farrington was my guest on that episode, and we talked about the importance of rehearsal and practicing and how to do it. We all know we should rehearse a presentation. And as we talked about today, we should be thinking in advance and preparing for the questions that we’d get, especially for a high visibility presentation. But often, we don’t rehearse in a way that’s actually useful, actually helps us to change our behavior and get better. In episode 645, we talked about that and how to do it in a way that helps you to really shift your behavior and to get the feedback that’s gonna be useful to you as well. If you’ve got a big presentation coming up, episode 645, I think, is a important listen for you.

Dave Stachowiak [00:36:20]:
IAnd then finally, I did a journal episode a while back called that’s a great question. And I talked about that phrase that we often hear in question and answer sessions where the person facilitating the session will say, to the person who asked the question, that’s a great question, or that’s an interesting question. I hear it all the time. t was something that I was taught when I was a Dale Carnegie instructor not to do. It’s called grading a question, and there’s a lot of problematic things that come with grading questions. I go into detail on that in that episode of Dave’s journal. You can find that linked in the episode notes as well. All of those episodes, of course, you can find detailed on the coachingforleaders.com website. We’ve done a whole library full really of episodes over the years on presentation skills, which is one of the places we’re filing this conversation under. Whether you’re preparing for a presentation, practicing 1, thinking about Q&As, even thinking about things like slide design. We’ve had a conversation about it over the years.

Dave Stachowiak [00:37:20]:
It’s one of the many topic areas inside of the free membership. If you haven’t set up your free membership yet, I’m inviting you to do so. You see, you can get full access to that entire library searchable by topic. You can find exactly what’s most relevant to you right now. And one of the other benefits inside of the free membership is access to all of my interview and book notes as I did today when reading Matt’s book, going through thinking about this conversation. I’ve detailed out some of the interview notes. I’ve also highlighted some of the key passages. Those are all available to you to download inside of the free membership, not only for this episode, but almost every episode where we feature a book from a guest expert.

Dave Stachowiak [00:38:01]:
You can find all of that inside of the free membership. Just go over to coachingforleaders.com. And, yeah, I’m wondering if you’ve ever had that thought of, I’m just so busy right now. How do I actually get past the daily cycle of busyness in the whirlwind? It actually break through and get some traction on the bigger picture thing. It’s a question we’re gonna talk about a bit more next week in our Q&A episode. It was also the topic of my most recent journal entry. It’s part of Coaching for Leaders Plus. Every single week.

Dave Stachowiak [00:38:32]:
I’m writing a journal entry as one of the key benefits of coaching for leaders plus so that you can get more insight from me directly on some of the key topics of leadership productivity and also how do we do a better job at just having good balance in our lives and in our work? All of that is part of Coaching for Leaders. Plus, if you’d like to find out more and get more from me to support you Andrew your work, go over to coachingforleaders.plus. Coaching for Leaders is edited by Andrew Kroeger. Production support is provided by Sierra Priest. Next week, Bonni returns and we are gonna be responding to your questions. If you have a question that you’d like us to consider for that episode, go over to coachingforleaders.com/feedback. We’d love to consider it for that episode or a future q and a episodes. I’ll see you back on Monday with Bonni.

Dave Stachowiak [00:39:28]:
Have a great week and see you then.