284: The Way to Stop Rescuing People From Their Problems

Michael Bungay Stanier: The Coaching Habit

Michael Bungay Stanier is the bestselling author of the books Do More Great Work* and The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever*. Michael and his team of facilitators help time-crunched managers coach in 10 minutes or less.

Key Points

When things get difficult, there are three roles people might fall into:

1. The victim
2. The persecutor
3. The rescuer

How to bust out of a victim role:

1. Figure out what’s really going on.
2. Take a deep breath.
3. Think, “And what else?”

How to bust out of a persecutor role:

1. Assume positive intent, that people are trying their best.
2. Ask yourself what you want in the situation, and make sure you’ve communicated it to others. Then ask the others what they want.

How to bust out of a rescuer role:

• Ask the victim, “How can I help?” or “What do you want from me?”

Resources Mentioned

• The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier*
• Do More Great Work by Michael Bungay Stanier*
• Derek Sivers: Hell Yeah

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Related Episodes

• CFL2: How to Start Coaching Someone
• CFL190: How to Improve Your Coaching Skills
• CFL237: These Coaching Questions Get Results

Next Episode

On the next episode, I welcome Brenda Bernstein to the show. Brenda is the author of How to Write a KILLER LinkedIn Profile* and we’ll be discussing how to make your LinkedIn profile stand out.